Thursday, February 4, 2010


Yes, that's how I feel right now...

I don't understand how I'm even conscious now; I'm losing myself, my senses and everything else that matters. It couldn't have gotten worse.

Did I know last week that this would happen? Of course I didn't. I trusted that she would pay heed to what I said. But she didn't. She told me she would; but she didn't.And here I am today - stuck in this incredible mess with no way out.

Just a few days ago, everything seemed to have settled down. She told me she wouldn't let it build beyond what it already was. And I was foolish enough to believe her. Foolish indeed.

I slept peacefully last night; unaware of my own loss. In fact, I was having a lovely dream too, a change that came by many weeks later. Yet, just as I woke up, I began to wish someone had shot me in my sleep itself. At least, I'd die with Gakkun on my mind.Why did it have to be the first thing that happened this morning? Why?

Now, I'm torn between my happiness and righteousness. Can I stab a friend for my selfish goals? I know I can't. And I never will. But does that mean I will always suffer?

I have always known this would happen someday and yet when it did, I feel numb and destroyed.

Love truly is painful.


Search This Blog